Lifestyle

“What can I start doing today to make my life happier and more rewarding?”

This is the most common question readers ask us via email, Facebook and Twitter.  So today I dug into our archives and came up with a list of twelve simple, actionable ways to improve your well being on a daily basis.  (Each tip links back to its original corresponding article, so you can read more at your leisure.)

Starting today…

1. Smile. – A smile is a choice, not a miracle.  Don’t wait for people to smile.  Show them how.  A genuine smile makes you and everyone around you feel better.  The simple act of smiling sends a message to your brain that you’re happy.  And when you’re happy, your body pumps out all kinds of feel-good endorphins.  This reaction has been studied since the 1980’s and has been proven a number of times.  Bottom line:  Smiling actually makes you happier.  Read The Happiness Project.
2. Treat everyone with kindness and respect. – Yes, treat everyone with kindness and respect, even those who are rude to you – not because they are nice, but because you are.  There are no boundaries or classes that define a group of people that deserve to be respected.  Treat everyone with the same level of respect you would give to your grandfather and the same level of patience you would have with your baby brother.  People will notice your kindness.
3. Perform one selfless act. – In life, you get what you put in.  When you make a positive impact in someone else’s life, you also make a positive impact in your own life.  Do something that’s greater than you, something that helps someone else be happy or suffer less.  I promise, it will be an extremely rewarding experience.  One you’ll likely remember forever.
4. Avoid needless drama and those who create it. – Never create unnecessary drama, and don’t surround yourself with those who do.  Choose to spend time with people who you are proud to know, people you admire, who love and respect you – people who make your day a little brighter simply by being in it.  Don’t walk away from negative people, RUN!  Life is too short to spend time with folks who suck the happiness out of you.
5. Think of the positives. – Stop being afraid of what could go wrong, and start thinking of what could go right.  Better yet, think of everything that already is right.  Be thankful for nights that turned into mornings, friends that turned into family, and past dreams and goals that turned into realities.  And use this positivity to fuel an even brighter tomorrow.  Read How to Stop Worrying and Start Living.
6. Inject a little love into the world around you. – Love what you are doing, until you can do what you love.  Love where you are, until you can be where you love.  Love the people you are with, until you can be with the people you love most.  This is the way we find happiness.
7. Take decisive and immediate action on something that needs to get done. – It doesn’t matter if you have a genius IQ and a PhD in Quantum Physics, you can’t change anything or make any sort of real-world progress without taking action.  There’s a huge difference between knowing how to do something and actually doing it.  Knowledge and intelligence are both useless without action.  It’s as simple as that.
8. Follow your intuition when making decisions. – Following your intuition means doing what feels right, even if it doesn’t look or sound right to others.  Only time will tell, but our human instincts are rarely ever wrong.  So don’t worry about what everyone else thinks, and keep living and speaking your truth.  The only people that will get mad at you for doing so are those who are set on living a lie.
9. Spend time working on something you believe in. – Never put off or give up on a goal that’s important to you.  Not because you still have tomorrow to start or try again, but because you may not have tomorrow at all.  Life is shorter than it sometimes seems.  Follow your heart today.
10. Meet someone new. – Most humans have a habit of stagnating in a small circle of friends; but it doesn’t help us grow.  Get out there and meet new people.  You’ll be surprised at the lessons they will teach you and the new opportunities they will inject into your life.
11. Exercise and eat healthy. – Taking care of your body is crucial to being the happiest person you can be.  If you don’t have your physical energy in good shape, then your mental energy (your focus), your emotional energy (your feelings), and your spiritual energy (your purpose) will all be negatively affected.  Those who exercise have a higher sense of self-accomplishment and self-worth.  Read The 4-Hour Body.
12. Be a student of life. – Experience it, learn from it, and absorb all the knowledge you can.  Prepare yourself for greatness by keeping your mind conditioned with fresh knowledge and new challenges.  Remember, if you stay ready, you don’t have to get ready when great opportunities arise.

Photo by: Ashley Rose

Sometimes thinking about your life and sorting out what you have learned is just as important as tackling a new venture.  That’s what our new sister site, Everyday Life Lessons, is all about.  It’s an online community where people share, rank and discuss life’s greatest lessons.

The site challenges you to reflect on your past, dig deep within yourself and answer one simple question:

What has life taught you?

Think about all the things you would love to tell yourself if you could travel back in time to give your younger self some advice about life.

Here’s a sample of 111 life lessons that were recently submitted to the site:

1. Spend more time with those who make you smile and less time with those who you feel pressured to impress.
2. Never tell someone their dreams are impossible. You’ll feel like a fool when they prove you wrong.
3. No matter how many mistakes you make or how slow you progress, you are still way ahead of everyone who isn’t trying.
4. Pursuing happiness by acquiring material things (fancy cars, expensive jewelry, designer clothing) is like jogging to the grocery store on your treadmill: it won’t get you anywhere.
5. Laugh at stupid jokes. Apologize. Tell someone how much they mean to you. It’s the small moments that make life grand.
6. At 79, I regret the things I didn’t do far more than the things I did.
7. Life is way more enjoyable when you stop trying to be cool and simply focus on being yourself.
8. Start by asking yourself whether each of your relationships drags you down or lifts you up. Surrounding yourself with positive, loving people is half the battle of living a happy, successful life.
9. When the ‘want’ gets stronger, the ‘how’ gets easier.
10. Too often we judge people on too little information. Instead of judging someone for what they do or where they are in their life, figure out why they do what they do and how they got to where they are.
11. If you want to feel rich, just count all the great things you have that money can’t buy.
12. I have taken noticed that the deeper I know about myself, the clearer I understand others.
13. You can’t change who you are. You can only change what you know and how you apply this knowledge.
14. I don’t need a certain number of friends, just a number of friends I can be certain of.
15. People who are meant to be together will find their way back to each other. They may take detours, but they’re never lost.
16. The older I get, and the more I learn, the more I realize I know so little. At 72, life still teaches me new lessons every day.
17. You can press forward long after you can’t. It’s just a matter of wanting it bad enough.
18. Complaining is like slapping yourself for slapping yourself. It doesn’t solve the problem, it just hurts you more.
19. Embrace change. As uncomfortable as it is sometimes, change allows us to stretch and grow. New things feel awkward and scary at first, but those feelings go away, and you are left with something bigger and bolder in your life.
20. Nobody ever feels 100% ready when an opportunity arises. Because most great opportunities in life force us to grow emotionally and intellectually. They force us to stretch ourselves and our comfort zones, which means we won’t feel totally comfortable at first. And when we don’t feel comfortable, we don’t feel ready.  (Read The Road Less Traveled.)
21. No matter how bad your heart has been broken the world doesn’t stop for your grief. The sun comes right back up the next day.
22. Supporting, guiding, and making contributions to other people is one of life’s greatest rewards. In order to get, you have to give.
23. Learn to adjust the sails of your life to unpredictable winds, while keeping your focus clear on your destination. And keep sailing until you get there.
24. As you strive to achieve your goals and dreams you can count on there being some fairly substantial disappointments along the way. Don’t get discouraged, the road to your dreams may not be an easy one. Think of these disappointments as challenges – tests of persistence and courage – that life throws at you during your journey. They are necessary and are meant to help you grow as a person.
25. Spend less than you earn, go without until you have the money in hand.
26. Freedom is the greatest gift. Self-sufficiency is the greatest freedom.
27. Even when you feel like you have nothing, someone else likely has far less. Find them and help them. You’ll see why.
28. Marriages evolve and change. The feelings you had for the man or woman you married will mutate and evolve several times over the life of a marriage. Hopefully you will evolve in the same direction or at least embrace and accept the changes in the other person. It takes work, and sometimes it takes counseling. Don’t gloss over those changes or you may wake up next to a stranger one day.
29. Negativity breeds more negativity. When you focus only on the negative, obviously that’s all you will see. You will not seek out positivity, and even when positivity comes into your life, you’ll look for the negative side of things.
30. If you want something in your life you’ve never had, you’ll have to do something you’ve never done.
31. As a child, I always thought the expression “it’s better to give than to receive” was trite and silly. As an adult, I recognize the expression’s value. Having the capacity to give means you possess a mindset of abundance. Having the will to give means you want to make a difference in the world. Having the desire to give means you care.
32. It’s not so much what you say that counts, it’ how you make people feel.
33. Figure out what you want. Set real goals and make a logical plan to achieve them. It’s like the old saying, “A goal that is never written down is nothing more than a New Year’s resolution.” And we all know what happens to New Year’s resolutions.
34. Being open-minded is the key to more knowledge. If you want to know more about the world you have to keep an open mind. You have to give people and things a chance.
35. If you want love, give love. If you want friends, be friendly. If you want money, provide value. It really is this simple.
36. If something won’t be significant to you 3 days/3 months/3 years from now, don’t waste all your time worrying about it now.
37. Manage aging, but why fight it? You can spend a fortune on face creams, plastic surgery, hair growth formulas, and Botox, but eventually you realize you are fighting an uphill battle. Groom yourself nicely. Stay fit. Have unsightly things removed. But accept the beauty of aging. A striking mature man or woman is much more attractive than someone who looks overly taunt, tanned or top-heavy.
38. Never regret. If it’s good, it’s wonderful. If it’s bad, it’s experience.
39. Being busy and being productive are two different things.
40. Life is unbelievably brief. When you’re young, you might feel like there’s a huge mass of time ahead of you. But trust me, it passes much faster than you think. You get gray hairs before you feel like a real adult. And then you have kids, and suddenly they’re leaving for college. Stop long enough to appreciate it all.
41. Mistakes teach you important lessons. Every time you make one, you’re one step closer to your goal. The only mistake that can truly hurt you is choosing to do nothing simply because you’re too scared to make a mistake.
42. Your health is your life, keep up with it. Get an annual physical check-up.
43. Change is the only permanent thing in life.
44. Having a thousand credentials on the wall will not make you a decent human being. But genuinely helping one person everyday will.
45. You must create and look for opportunities. Opportunities rarely ever come knocking on the door of someone who’s not seeking them. You have to create and seek opportunities for yourself. You have to take the initiative to get the ball rolling and the doors opening.
46. Keep your brain active. Don’t get into a mental rut. Do new things, learn new things, explore new ideas in all areas of your life. Keep challenging yourself and your mind. Be curious and interested in the world around you.
47. Someone always has it worse. At times you may be having a bad day, but stop yourself and think about it; there are plenty of other people who have it worse off than you do.
48. In work and business, when they need you more than you need them, you have succeeded.
49. Trying to be somebody you’re not is not sexy. Be you. That’s when you’re beautiful.
50. Truly ‘rich’ people need ‘less’ to be happy.
51. Your ability to select a suitable spouse will greatly influence your financial and emotional well-being. Three common sense guidelines: 1. Pick someone who’s a joy to be around and who makes you happy. 2. Know the person well. 3. Ensure compatibility beyond physical attraction because beauty and youth are fleeting, while the mind and heart endure.
52. No matter how much progress you make there will always be the people who insist that whatever you’re trying to do is impossible. Or they may incessantly suggest that the idea or dream as a whole is utterly ridiculous because nobody really cares. When you come across these people, don’t try to reason with them. Instead, forget that they exist. They will only waste your time and energy.
53. We are all weird. And life is weird. And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we call it love.
54. Saying “no” to right people gives you the time and resources required to say “yes” to right opportunities.
55. Living a life of honesty creates peace of mind, and peace of mind is priceless. Period. Don’t be dishonest and don’t put up with people who are.
56. If you catch yourself working hard and loving every minute of it, don’t stop. You’re on to something big. Because hard work ain’t hard when you concentrate on your passions.
57. Bulls**t might help you get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there. The truth always rises to the top and buries the bulls**t eventually.
58. After 40 years of teaching at a local college I’ve come to realize that a teacher is nothing but a clever student.
59. Sooner or later, you just want to be around the people who make you smile.
60. Forgiving yourself is far more important (and difficult) than getting others to forgive you.
61. Simplicity is often a major factor of success. But the process of simplifying things is rarely easy.
62. There are few joys in life that equal a good conversation, a good read, a good walk, a good hug, a good smile, or a good friend.
63. Laughter is the best medicine for stress. Laugh at yourself often. Find the humor in whatever situation you’re in.
64. Everything that happens in life is neither good nor bad. It just depends on your perspective.
65. When you spend time worrying, you’re simply using your imagination to create things you don’t want.
66. Maturity is more about education and life experience than it is about age. I know plenty of mature 30-somethings and immature 50-somethings.
67. When passion and skill work together, we’re often left with a masterpiece.
68. You’re not alone. Everyone has problems. Some people are just better at hiding them than others.
69. True friendship and true love do sustain the tests of distance and time.
70. It’s the simple things in life that are the most extraordinary. I believe this to be true and have experienced this with my own family. When I think of the times where we laughed the most or had the most fun – it was when we were doing simple, everyday things like swimming in a pool, combing a beach for shells, playing a board game or sharing a delicious meal.
71. Get up 30 minutes earlier so you don’t have to rush around like a mad man. That 30 minutes will help you avoid speeding tickets, tardiness, and other unnecessary headaches.  (Read Getting Things Done.)
72. It is okay to be angry. It is never okay to be cruel.
73. Arguments are natural. An argument between two close friends doesn’t show a lack of love or respect, it’s simply a disagreement. In fact, quite often, the only reason we get frustrated with people and argue with them is because we care about them. Which is why we need to remember not to get too carried away.
74. Money and stuff are not all that important. Yes, you want enough to be comfortable and do the things you want to do. But accumulating for the sake of accumulating is boring and empty. Trust me, it gets old fast. So feed your soul, not your ego.
75. Hang out with younger people. Stay connected with what the generation behind you is doing and thinking. Establish friendships with them. You will benefit and learn from each other. Don’t act superior, because younger people may know a whole lot more than you do.
76. There is nothing to hold you back except yourself. There is only one question to ask yourself here: “What would you do if you were not afraid?” Think about it.
77. No matter how it turns out, it always ends up just the way it should be. Either you succeed or you learn something. Win-Win.
78. Either you’re going to take action and seize new opportunities or someone else will. You can’t change anything or make any sort of progress by sitting back and thinking about it.
79. Your years spent at school, reading and learning will seem short compared to a lifetime of minimum wage jobs. Get a good education, concentrate on areas that interest you and pursue your dreams.
80. Keep six months of your salary in an emergency savings account just in case you lose your job or have an emergency that prevents you from working for a prolonged period of time. And keep a few extra hundred dollars on hand for unexpected expenses, such as car and home repair.
81. A hero is someone who makes a positive difference in someone else’s life – even if it’s only one other person’s life.
82. You’re never too old to follow your dreams, whatever they may be. I didn’t start my first business until I was 46 (something I always wanted to do). Now at 53, my business is more successful than I ever could have dreamed.
83. Let your kids fail. Your kids will be okay, even if you think they are headed for the juvenile hall right now. Don’t come to their rescue all the time. Don’t manage every detail of their lives or over-schedule them with karate or viola lessons. Give them some boundaries, and then relax.
84. Be vulnerable. Allow yourself to feel, to be open and authentic. Tear down any emotional brick walls you have built around yourself and feel every exquisite emotion, both good and bad. This is real life. This is how you welcome new opportunities.
85. There’s no such thing as ‘risk free.’ Everything you do or don’t do in life has an inherent risk.
86. Take a step back to gain some perspective. Usually when we’re worried or upset, it’s because we’ve lost perspective. In the grand scheme of things, this one problem means almost nothing.
87. Every mistake you make is progress. Mistakes teach you important lessons. Every time you make one, you’re one step closer to your goal. The only mistake that can truly hurt you is choosing to do nothing simply because you’re too scared to make a mistake.
88. The greatest “adventure” is the ability to INQUIRE, TO ASK QUESTIONS. Sometimes in the process of inquiry, the search is more significant than the answers. Answers come from other people, from the universe of knowledge and history, and from the intuition and deep wisdom inside yourself.
89. If it were easy everyone would do it. This is why get rich quick schemes will never be true. If it was so quick and easy then everyone would be millionaires. Making money and accomplishing tasks is hard work, but well worth it.
90. If you awake every morning with the thought that something wonderful will happen in your life today, and you pay close attention, you’ll often find that you’re right.
91. If you keep doing what you’re doing, you’ll keep getting what you’re getting.
92. Count your blessings every day. I know, this is a refrigerator magnet line, but practice it daily anyway. There is so much good, so much beauty, so much love in your life. What more do you really need? You have so much right now, you just need to pause long enough to appreciate it.
93. It’s not about getting a chance, it’s about taking a chance. You’ll rarely be 100% sure it will work. But you can always be 100% sure doing nothing won’t work. Sometimes you just have to go for it!
94. The one with nothing to hide is always the one left standing tall.
95. There is only one way to learn, and that is through action. Trying to learn without doing is like trying to lose weight by watching someone else exercise. It’s just not going to work.
96. Change happens for a reason. Roll with it. It won’t be easy, but it will be worth it.
97. Experience life before you settle down. Whatever it is you want to do or experience, do as much of it as you can before you have children. Especially travel. Live in a hostel in Costa Rica for a month or drive across the country from coast to coast if you have to. But go have some really great, amazing, mind-blowing experiences.
98. Life gives and takes away. During difficult times, be committed to resolving problems, but also lighten up and ride the waves of impermanence. What is a monster problem today will be a forgotten thought in the future.
99. When two people cooperate instead of competing against each other their teamwork accomplishes far more than either of them could have achieved on their own.
100. Between what happened and what will happen is your choice. So choose to be positive in everyday tasks.
101. The best feeling in the world is getting paid to do what you love to do.
102. Good looks attracts the eyes. Personality attracts the heart.
103. If you’re smiling right now, you’re doing something right.
104. If you live your life consumed by the past, you waste the great moments you still have left to live.
105. Treat every small interaction with another person as an opportunity to make a positive impact in both your lives.
106. There’s a big difference between knowing and doing. Knowledge is useless without action.
107. Time is of the essence. You are born and you will die. Don’t waste the time in between. Use a time management system to control events, rather than have events controlling you.
108. The French have an aphorism that you don’t appreciate something until you don’t have it anymore. In 40 years from now what is it that you will regret not having accomplished, appreciated or attempted? Do it, appreciate it, attempt it NOW!
109. If it’s out of your control, why fret about it? Concentrating on things you can control is how you make good things happen.
110. Never send a text message, email or photo to someone that’s unfit for the eyes of the entire world. In this digital age you never know what might slip into the public eye.
111. The acquisition of knowledge doesn’t mean you’re growing. Growing happens when what you know changes how you live.

Everyday Life Lessons is updated daily.  If you enjoyed the life lessons syndicated in this article, please visit the site for the latest content.  Or subscribe to Everyday Life Lessons here via RSS or email.

Photo by: Lauren Macdonald

“Do one thing every day that scares you.”
?Eleanor Roosevelt

Fear is the most powerful single factor that deprives you of being able to achieve your full potential.  You experience it most often as a result of your own thoughts and emotional visions, rather than actual real world causes.  In other words, you become fearful of a fantasy – something that doesn’t exist.

Fear is a cloaked enemy that whispers negative thoughts into your mind, body and soul.  It tries to convince you that you will not succeed and that you cannot achieve your full potential.  These thoughts are lies.

The road you are traveling may be a bit scary at times, but don’t lose faith.  Don’t listen to your fears and the fears of those around you.  Don’t let old setbacks work their way into your present thinking.  And most of all, don’t give up on what’s important to you.

It’s fine to feel a bit uncomfortable.  It’s okay if you don’t know exactly what’s going to happen next, or how much you can handle.  As long as you gradually step forward you will learn what you need to know.  You will let go of the scary things that ‘might happen’ and start to see all the great realities unfolding around you.

This is your life and it’s an open road.  Grab the wheel with both hands and keep steering yourself around all the unnecessary fears and uncertainties as they arise.  Here’s how…

1.  Envision and declare what you want.

Regardless of fear or actual real world barriers, whenever you want to achieve something, you have to envision it and declare it.  You have to keep your eyes open and focused specifically on what you want.  It’s simply impossible to hit a target you haven’t declared, or get anywhere worthwhile with your eyes closed and your vision blurred.

The first step is realizing that what you want to achieve is already a big part of who you are.  You may be a novice just beginning a great journey, or you may be a veteran who hasn’t yet realized her dream.  Either way, the fact that you haven’t attained your desired result yet doesn’t make you any less of a force to be reckoned with.

In other words, if you want to run a marathon, you are a marathon runner.  You just need to run.  If you want to be a writer, you are a writer.  You just need to write.  Etc.  It’s only ever a matter of training, studying and practicing.

Whatever it is you want to do, envision it and declare it out loud:  “I am going to _______.”  Read 1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently.

And then start doing it.

2.  Know the consequence staying where you are.

What would life be if we had no courage to attempt anything?

It wouldn’t be.  Life is movement.  Inaction based on fear not only stops you from achieving, it stops you from living.

Your future depends on what you do today.  The fear of failure, or whatever, can be daunting, but it’s nowhere near as bad as the realization of looking back on great opportunities you never took.  Don’t be satisfied with telling stories others have lived.  Write your own story, your way.

3.  Believe.

What you believe either weakens you or makes you stronger.  If you want to give yourself the best gift you could ever receive, believe in yourself.

The foundation of the success you desire is not based on being in a certain place, at a certain level of achievement, or a combination of external factors; it is simply a mindset.  Success is an attitude that comes from powerful beliefs and empowering thoughts.  What you think and believe about your life directly determines how you feel, what actions you take, and what you ultimately achieve.

Believing takes practice, but it also makes the impossible possible.  Is it worth the effort?  Absolutely!  Read The Success Principles.

4.  Take it slow, but GO!

Yes, take a step, and another.  Keep going!  Achievement involves lots of doing.  What you achieve is based on what you believe AND what you act upon, not just what you believe.  You’ve got to take your beliefs and put persistent effort into them.

There is no progress without action.  What is not started today is never finished by tomorrow.  Some of the greatest ideas and dreams die young.  Why?  Because the genius behind the idea or dream fails to GO forward with it – they think about it, but never DO anything about it.

Just remember, no action always results in a 100% failure rate.  So get into action now and begin moving in the right direction.  After you get started every step thereafter gets easier and easier, until what once had seemed light years away is suddenly standing right in front of you.  Read The Power of Habit.

5.  Accept that failure is possible and necessary.

As Winston Churchill once said, “Success is stumbling from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm.”

Failure is necessary.  On the path toward success you may encounter many failures, but YOU are NOT a failure.  Failures are simply stepping stones that slowly uncover the correct path forward, one slippery step at a time.  You can’t get anywhere without these steps.

So don’t wake up at eighty years of age sighing over what you should have tried but didn’t because you were scared to fail.  Just do it and be willing to fail and learn along the way.  Very few people get it right on the first shot.  In fact, most people fail to get it right on the first twenty shots.  If what you did today didn’t turn out as you had hoped, tomorrow is a new opportunity to try again and build upon what you’ve learned.

And remember, in the end the greatest thing about your journey is not so much where you stand at any given time, as it is about what direction you’re moving…

Closing Thoughts

Don’t be afraid of facing your fears.  They’re not as scary as you think, and they’re not here to stop you.  They’re here to let you know that what you want is worth fighting for.

Your turn…

What has fear stopped you from doing?  What’s one fear that you know is holding you back?  Please let us know by leaving a comment below.

Photo by: Alessandro Pautasso

You will only ever be as great as the people you surround yourself with; so be brave enough to let go of those who keep bringing you down.

Your happiness and self-worth shouldn’t be entirely dependent on others.  But the truth is, personal relationships do have an influence on how you feel, and that includes how you feel about yourself.

An old college friend, Axel, and I grabbed some coffee this morning to catch up.  About halfway through our conversation he admitted to me that he was really stressed out.  The more I listened to his story, the more I realized that many of his relationships felt like a burden to him.  The people he had surrounded himself with weren’t supportive in the least.  But it was a burden to which he’d become so accustomed, he didn’t even know he’d been carrying it until he spoke to me and was able to lay down the heavy load for a while.  The pain of relationships that aren’t working are like a subtle background ache – we don’t notice how much they hurt because we’ve grown so used to the constant discomfort.

How have you been feeling lately?  How are your relationships going?  The two can be more intertwined than we often realize.  As soon as I suspected Axel’s relationships might be having an impact on his happiness and self-esteem, I asked him a question that made him think:

What should a healthy relationship provide for the people in it?

Truth be told, life is way too wonderful and short to waste time with people who don’t treat you right.  So surround yourself with people who inspire you to smile.  People who help you up when you’re down.  People who would never take advantage of you.  People who are honest and genuinely care.  They are the ones worth keeping in your life.  Everyone else is just passing through.

If you feel like your relationships are bringing you down, here are some signs you may be hanging with the wrong crowd:

1.  They say you don’t have what it takes.

Never let someone’s opinion of you wash away your inner strength and spirit.  Never sacrifice who you are or what you aspire to be because someone else sees things differently.  Sometimes even those who you consider to be close confidants will carelessly crush your potential with smiles on their faces.  They will discredit your ideas, exhibiting zero emotional support, and try to persuade you to forget part of the person you are, along with the person you are capable of becoming.

It usually takes just a few negative comments to kill a person’s dream.  Don’t speak these negative comments to others, and don’t listen to those who do.  Don’t let people interrupt you and tell you that you can’t do something.  If you have a dream that you’re passionate about, you must protect it.  When others can’t do something themselves, they’re going to tell you that you can’t do it either; and that’s a lie.  These people are simply speaking from within the boundaries of their own limitations.

Don’t let weak minds convince you that you aren’t strong enough and smart enough.  You are.  Surround yourself with people who help strengthen you – those who see greatness in you, even when you don’t see it in yourself.

2.  They don’t support who YOU are.

We are all weird in some way.  What sets you apart may seem like a burden, but it’s not.  Most of the time it’s what makes you so incredible.

You need to know that everyone deserves love and respect without terms and conditions.  Everyone has a right to live their life the way they want.  Everyone has the right to be happy without feeling guilty.  No one has the right to hurt anyone.  No one deserves abuse of any kind.  No one is not good enough to be exactly who they are.  And yes, this includes YOU.

Always choose to be true to yourself, even at the risk of incurring ridicule from others, rather than being fake and incurring the pain and confusion of trying to live a lie.  It’s OK to do what you want to do.  It’s OK to be happy with yourself and the way you live your life.  It’s OK to say no to others and yes to your own desires.  There’s no better freedom than the freedom to be exactly who you are.  Give yourself that gift, and choose to surround yourself with those who appreciate your decision.  (Angel and I discuss this in more detail in the “Relationships” chapter of 1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently.)

3.  They only respect you when you live their way.

Real friends (and family) meet in the middle.  When there’s a disagreement, they work out a solution that works for both parties – a compromise, rather than a need for the other person to change or completely give in.  If someone around you is all take and no give, you have to take a stand.

It takes a great deal of courage to stand up to your enemies, but just as much to stand up to the people closest to you.  Sometimes bullying comes from the most unlikely places.  Be conscious of how the people in your closest social circles treat you, and look out for the subtle jabs they throw.  When necessary, confront them.  Do whatever it takes to give yourself the opportunity to live authentically.

Exercise your inner genius.  Listen to your inner voice.  Try what you want to try, go where you want to go, and explore the depths of your own intuition.  Don’t accept false choices just because someone else doesn’t feel what you feel.  Don’t let others leash your dreams and your future.  If something feels right, it probably is.  Give yourself the fair chance you deserve.  You CAN, so don’t listen to anyone who says you can’t.  Do anything you want as long as it’s not hurting others.  Don’t take crap; you deserve better.

4.  They create and thrive on negativity.

It isn’t easy to remain positive when negativity surrounds you, but remember that you have full control over your attitude.  Think of it this way: An entire body of water the size of the Pacific Ocean can’t sink a ship unless it gets inside the ship.  Similarly, all the negativity in the world can’t bring you down unless you allow it to get inside your head.

This is your life.  You may not be able to control all the things people do to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.  You can decide not to let their actions and opinions invade your heart and mind.  And above all, you can decide whom to walk beside into tomorrow, and whom to leave behind today.  (Read Emotional Vampires.)

5.  They condone your self-abuse.

Always keep in mind, first and foremost, that you have to treat yourself the way you want others to treat you.  The amount of abuse you tolerate in your relationships is often equal to the amount of abuse you heap on yourself.  If you are used to telling yourself that you’re ugly, that you are destined to fail, and that you’re not capable of performing in the world without someone holding your hand, then you will accept and feel most comfortable in relationships with people who reinforce these same negative beliefs.

This is precisely why you need people in your life who truly know and love you – true friends and family – people who see the pain in your eyes while everyone else still believes the empty smile on your face.  In other words, don’t look for people who will solve all your problems; look for those special few who will sit down and face them with you.

6.  They make you feel unattractive.

Sadly, we’re taught to believe that miniature waists and perfect tans are beautiful.  We’re made to believe that blonde hair with blue eyes will win every time.  But the truth is, originality is beautiful.  Big brown eyes, green eyes, blue eyes alike.  Curves, and lots of them.  Your natural skin tone is beautiful.  Your hair color and your smile.  Your voice, your laugh, and your personality.  Every inch of you that shines with your unique essence…

You are truly beautiful just the way you are.  If someone close to you says otherwise, they aren’t as close to you as you think.  Period.  (Read Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends On It.)

7.  They aren’t there for you when you need them most.

Surround yourself with those who believe in you, encourage you, and are willing to support you when it rains, not just when it shines.  It’s during the toughest times of your life that you’ll get to see the true colors of the people who say they care about you.  So don’t make too much time for people who rarely make time for you, or who only make time for you when it’s convenient for them.  Know your worth.

And remember, relationships are rarely 50/50 at any given instant in time.  You can’t always feel 100%, or a full 50% of a relationship’s whole – life is simply too unpredictable for that.  So on the days when you can only give 20%, the other person must give 80%, and vice versa.  It’s never been about balancing steady in the middle; healthy relationships are about two people who are willing to make adjustments for each other in real time as needed, and give more when the other person can’t help but give a little less.

Afterthoughts

It’s not always where you are in life, but who you have by your side that matters.  Some people drain you and others provide soul food.  Don’t jeopardize your dignity and self-respect by trying to make someone accept, love and appreciate you when they have proven that they are incapable of doing so.

When you leave the wrong people behind, the right things start happening.  What would happen if you surrounded yourself with people who made you better?  What would happen if you started spending time with the RIGHT crowd?

Think about it.

Your turn…

What would you add to the list?  What’s one clear sign you might be hanging with the wrong crowd?  Please leave a comment below and let us know.

Photo by: gaspi yg

by Naïby Jacques

“Life is inherently risky.  There is only one big risk you should avoid at all costs, and that is the risk of doing nothing.”
?Denis Waitley

Have you ever wondered what gives some people the willingness to move without fear or hesitation?

They do things you believe you can’t do because you’re afraid of the outcome, of the unknown, of the pain.

You see people who can let go of things that might matter to them, and move on with their lives without struggling too much.  You see people who can quit or change their jobs, end difficult relationships, and travel around the world, just like that.

Sometimes you regret not trying harder to follow in the footsteps.  And you wonder…

What do these people have that I don’t?  What’s their secret?

Well, I’ve studied the lives of dozens of courageous (and also successful) people over the years, and I’m happy to share these time-tested strategies for courageously living your life without regrets:

1. Be as weird as you are. – Don’t be afraid to provoke the status quo.  Maybe some of your ideas are crazy.  But crazy ideas are what shake the world.  Crazy ideas make revolutions.  So don’t be afraid to be different, and don’t be afraid to break traditions.  Sure, some people will be frustrated and opposed to your weirdness.  Some people might even criticize you.  But even if it takes time for them to embrace your ideas, you’re showing them a new way of thinking.  You’re planting a seed in their heads and opening their minds – and you’re opening your own mind too.  The minute you understand that you can be weird and mold life your own way, you allow yourself to shake off the erroneous notion that life is just there, and that you’re just going to exist in it, rather than embrace it, change it, improve it, and truly live it.
2. Choose to act even when you’re unsure of your ability. – Everyone has doubts about their abilities.  You might think you’re not good enough, not smart enough, or not strong enough.  And it’s OK if you’re not great at something, because you don’t have to be.  It doesn’t matter if you don’t do things perfectly either.  What matters is that you dare to try.  Instead of looking at the end result (the big picture), divide your project into pieces and tackle the piece you feel most comfortable with first.  You need to be content with small steps in life.  Honestly, that’s all life is – small steps that you take every day, and then one day when you look back down the road it all adds up and you know you covered some serious distance.  (Read The Miracle Morning.)
3. Fearlessly follow your intuition. – Intuition is seeing with the soul.  It’s about giving your God-given instincts a say in the matter.  Of course, at first this may seem irrational.  You might think the more you over-analyze, the more you’ll make good decisions, right?  But more often than not, doing so can actually lead you to make poorer decisions.  Exclusively using your rational mind, or relying on your ego, keeps you safe and secure – meaning there’s no room to take calculated risks and learn and grow from them.  Using your rational mind 24/7 allows your fears to overcome you.  And those fears can cloud the signals that your body – that powerful communicator and receptor – sends you.  So you need to be in the present and pay attention to your body’s sensations: tightness in the chest, goose bumps, odors, visions, etc.  That’s your intuition!  Don’t be afraid to make decisions that seem a little irrational from the outside, yet feel totally right on the inside.
4. Stand up for your values (even at the risk of rejection). – Never compromise your values.  Don’t let the fear of being rejected stop you from affirming what’s important to you.  The right people will respect you more and hold you in higher regard if you’re rigorous about your principles, if you’re honest, and if you stay consistent about what you believe in.  This is a powerful way to solidify your relationships and to gain mutual trust… Maybe not in the beginning, but in the long run.  Furthermore, standing up for your values instantly makes you a leader, as it’s the most heroic quality one can aspire to.
5. Speak your mind even if your voice shakes. – At times, you may think your word has no weight.  But it does (regardless of how miniscule you may think it is).  Your opinion will be an eye-opener for some people, and it will be a source of liberation for others.  We all have an altruist nature buried within.  We all want to help the people around us in some way.  So instead of being stuck in your mind, ask yourself how your thoughts and words might help the ones around you, and focus on them instead of the ones you believe might judge you.  Let people take you as you are, or not at all.  By being yourself, you put something beautiful into the world that was not there before.  And this helps everyone who’s worth helping (including YOU).
6. Be willing to be vulnerable. – Nothing is wrong with telling someone else how you truly feel.  Sharing something personal makes you stronger in people’s eyes, and most importantly in your own.  Being able to show the real you when most people would rather hide behind a fake mask is an admirable quality.  So don’t be ashamed to shed a tear.  Being vulnerable only shows that you’re able to face the truth – even the hard truth – with dignity.  Open yourself up.  Allow yourself to feel, to be mindful and authentic.  Tear down any emotional brick walls you have built around yourself and experience every exquisite emotion, both good and bad.  This is real life.
7. Be willing to be judged. – Don’t let fear of embarrassment stop you from trying something new.  Sometimes we withhold ourselves from novelty because we’re afraid some people might call us silly or stupid.  Shying away from trying something new stops your growth and your evolution.  It stops you from acquiring new skills and knowledge.  And life is a continuous school.  Don’t miss out on opportunities to learn something enriching.  If you think your new project might seem ridiculous to some people, turn those thoughts around in a funny or a disarming way, and go ahead and take the classes that interest you.  And if people judge you for it, feel sorry for them, for simple minds are usually amused by simple things.  (Read Daring Greatly.)
8. Admit when you’re wrong. – You would think that pride is a positive emotion, but it’s not when it’s excessive.  Excessive pride is a reaction to insecurity.  So when you know you’re wrong, instead of trying to protect your self-esteem in the eyes of others, hold your tongue for two minutes, take a deep breath, and find the lesson.  Consider the fact that being wrong is OK, and then admit that you are wrong.  Yes, it’s hard.  Yes, it takes strength to admit it, but it makes you more humble and commendable.  And even more importantly, realize that when you’re wrong, you’re meant to be wrong so that you may outgrow the things you need to outgrow.
9. End hurtful relationships. – One of the very hardest parts of loving someone: You have to give things up for them.  And sometimes, you even have to give them up.  Of course, it’s always difficult to let go of someone you care about (or cared about) without getting hurt in the process.  Even if this person has hurt you a hundred times, you start thinking of all these what ifs – these maybes about the future.  But that’s just the thing… there’s nothing concrete and reliable about these feelings and fantasies.  The reality of their actions has disproven them.  When someone shows you their true colors time and time again, it’s best to believe them and carry on without them.  (Marc and Angel discuss this in more detail in the “Relationships” chapter of 1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently.)
10. Forgive (even when you’ve been deeply hurt). – Forgiveness isn’t holding on to someone who hurt you; it’s coming to peace with what happened and moving forward with your life, one way or the other.  Some of us have a tendency to hold grudges against people.  We’re unable to let go of the past.  But grudges are a toxic emotion – an emotion that can rot inside you and turn you into a bitter, egotistical zombie.  Know that pain is short-lived.  Emotional pain is a call to acknowledge it and address it, instead of letting it get the best of you.  In fact, forgiveness is the sweetest revenge.  If you can forgive someone who did you wrong, you’re at least one step ahead of them in the karma department, and one step ahead of everyone else who’s still holding on to old grudges that are holding them back.

Closing Thoughts

Life is not about maintaining the status quo.

Life is not about playing it safe.

Life is not about standing still.

It’s about connecting with your soul, respecting your integrity, and telling yourself that you’re able.  It’s about taking a few steps, regardless of how little they may be, so you can move forward, and evolve.

That’s why you were put here on this earth: to grow.  You can be challenged, scared, and stretched to your limits, but taking action will make you feel gratified beyond belief.

And the best part is: You become more decisive, more playful, and more vigorous.

So don’t be afraid to let go of your inhibitions.  Don’t be afraid to be disappointed.  Don’t be afraid to get hurt.

Ask yourself about the costs and implications of not taking action.  Then think of the new possibilities that could arise if you do dare to act.

Be daring and courageous!

Get moving and live it!

This is your one shot…

Take it, today!

Your turn…

What would you add to the list?  What’s something you’ve done that took a lot of courage (that you know you will never regret)?  Leave a comment below and share your thoughts.

Author bio: Naïby Jacques is passionate about holistic health. As she’s also a vegan chef, she’s on a mission to help people add more plant foods to their diet by giving tips and tricks to make quick, easy, and delicious recipes so they can maintain the lifestyle permanently. Get her free 10 Snacks under 10 min that Are Actually Good for You.

Photo by: Jessica Neuwerth